Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
