I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
