I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Come back. Shots need mouths.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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