Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
