so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
