i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
