how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
