Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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