I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You are the jesus of drinking
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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