the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize