Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish I only lived at night.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
