i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
