I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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