If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
