I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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