Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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