I wanna passion pit in your ass
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
