Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
