I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
