I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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