I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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