i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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