He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
