We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
