The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
