I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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