maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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