i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
50% drunk capacity currently
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
