I'm gonna have a badass scar
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
