end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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