We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
