I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dear god my vagina.
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