I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize