pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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