I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
