it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
