My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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