I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We got so high we made milksteak
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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