Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
