I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
