It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
