Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
