I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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