So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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