I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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