I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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