My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My dick has a subreddit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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