idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
