did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
