I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
