I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
