We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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