Is it normal to miss your booty call?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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