i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
