ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
