The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
