I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
