He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
