my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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