This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't want my vagina anymore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
