this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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