whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
