woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
