Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
