I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
