Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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