I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
