Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
