peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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