The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
