I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
