woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
