This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
