omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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