cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
