I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
