The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
