what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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