I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
